His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michael Bay diarrhea
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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