I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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