tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
