I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
