Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think i got beer on your cat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
