The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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