Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
