So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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