I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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