been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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