I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
