I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
