My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
