I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Terrible idea I love it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
