At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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