The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
