how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
