did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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