I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
