I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
