THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
