He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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