She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
