Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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