Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
