i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
