Welp...herpes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
