Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
