I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
