Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
