So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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