i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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