my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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