I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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