There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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