I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize