I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is Oprah even human
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
