i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
