At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
