I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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