The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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