I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
