it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
