Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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