Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
