Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
