I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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