goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
