im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
