Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
