Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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