He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
