just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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