he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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