Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
