you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
