i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
