i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
