11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
