onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've blown a few things in my day
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
