Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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