Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
