Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
