guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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