im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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