I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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