I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
