I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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