i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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