I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
