At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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