is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
